Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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