He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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