somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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