I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
