man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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