Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
