i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
