What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Randomize
