his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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