If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
