the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
