I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
