Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
