I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
