It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
