Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
