2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
