when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
