i permit you to call me
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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