I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I smell like Dick and happiness
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
