Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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