Soap is not a condiment
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
