His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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