wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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