I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
