Whod you bang
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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