It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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