it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
