Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
