Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Swine flu. Run for my life!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you never un-have a 4some
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
