why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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