god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
