If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
