I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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