It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
