M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
