you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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