Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
