I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
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