I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
