It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
