I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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