My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
