this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
