Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
