The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
