Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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