noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
