I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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