I need to stop coming to work sober
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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