I like to think it a success when the cops are called
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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