ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
