this beer tastes like vomit already
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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