This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
