She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
